Reflexion (English)

Still waiting for the conection, and for his blessing, the thing is that some of us (or maybe just me), have been cheated. Everybody knows the question "how to get out of the matrix", but who knows the anwser? I hope the rest of the world is just being polite to my sufferings. The worst thing that happens to me is that I know what I want, but I just can't have it, since I'm out of place, age, nature, dome,league, the list can go on. I thing sometimes I get to click with a twin soul but since I'm not in the right package she doesn't give me the time or the sec to my life. And leaves me hangin, so I'm still here waiting...

This is getting harder day by day, I really don't know untill when. Maybe at least I can get someone to fullfil their dream. Mine is just on hold without knowing if is dead, asleep or ready to come alive in any moment. I don't know what being in coma is but shure feels like it. I sometimes get involve in peoples lives, because I've been waiting all my life someone would get involve in mine, but no, there's no one, who really asks if I'm really okey. "how are you" is just a way to get by, it's their pasapport and I'm just a customs employe, who cares about me. I don't blame them. as someone told me I'm just weird, If this is a report to my supervisor I guess I really piss you off, I'm just getting to the end of my patience.  I've been told He doesn't listen to me. I want him to give me my right or just erase me from the memory. what good can come from someone who's just on hold, it's just not fair.

pain, tears, sorrow, and this lonelines that doesn't go away. it seems I'm no good. no benefit. if He gave me a minute I could just ask him one thing or the other. actually things don't look like they can go better but only worst, so many regrets of what could've been. what hurts the most is this hope I can't give up, I long for him, for the family, relatives, friends and specially for her and all of what could come after her.

The fight is on, but who would win, having no one backing me up, someone that could give me a little tug a push; Things might seem fine from the outside but from whitin things are going no where, I might relate to "it could've been better not being around this planet", "I can't remember signing to come here", but now I'm here trap in this package and needing to get out so bad. He wins only by staying there not doing nothing not lifting a finger, and I can walk a thousand miles and what could get me, if I try given the first steps I'm in pain, how could I ask, how could He pay a little atention to me, with  just a little, I know I could surpass, a thousand two, three, walikng, swimming, biking, hiking, no matter what could be, only if He gave me his blessing, yeah most of you might think I have it, but ask yourself if I did woul I be here? sometimes I think I have to earn it, but I don't know how. How could I go on hating the other guy? one he's me. I can't hate myself can I? I'm just waiting for a small peck of where I just take off not looking back, until I come to my real self, with jewels, sword, crown and all. All that's lawfully mine. I wonder if been sabotage other than the other me. if I have fallin for the obvious, the absurd, who knows that can tell me, I would be gratefull for all eternity, but, have I really been this blind and have two adversaries and not just one, now that I sit down and consciously get a grip of those moments where I failed it wasn't only the other me holding me back or the traps, there were those who told me to not give up but actally they were telling me not to go before them or no to go at all, they like staying where they are but not me I can't understand them, they don't want to go and they don't want anyone else going eather. this is not funny is just cruel. I long for what's rightfully mine, they're going to have to cope with me just being out of their choice of living. But, I can't stay anymore I'm fed up with this, I'm going to give it another try I don't know if it's the last one, I surely hope so, I hope this one is for the win...

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